Becoming Badass

Mmmfgfghf
Lean, shuffle step
".......Hey man, zombie walks are a little more impressive if you do it with a bunch of your zombie culture buddies..."

Mmmfgfghf
Lean, shuffle step
"Yeah yeah, You're a zombie you like brains, if you bite me I turn into one blah blah blah."

Mmmfgfghf
Lean, shuffle step
"Seriously, you're a hurtbag go away"

Mmmfgfghf
Lean, shuffle step....snarl reach
"Dude WTF beat it!"
GRASP Mmmfgfghf


Turns out my smart-assery was not going to deter it. As it reached for and grasped my wrist I had that super cool Hollywood movie flash back sensation. My heart pulsed:

Thump-Thump....

Then did that neat heart beat echo thing:

....Thum-thum-thum-thump-p-p.....


And I was back in London Ontario, at Master Kang's Power Martial Arts.

Master Kang, literally the epitome of subtle kickass. One day when he was explaining all the different martial arts he knew, and he struggled to find the correct English and simply said
"You use anything. To, uh keeel your opponent"

He wasn't acting tough, he was casually looking at a chair and pointing, then my head, and I knew if anyone were stupid enough to jump him he would casually snap crackle pop them and then go about his business.

Anyway, today's lesson was alot like most of them. Mater Kang was simply holding a pad 4 inches above my head and calming 'explaining' the strike we were learning,


" oh k, you jump, then turn, and kick. "

"uuuuhhh, wut?" (my eloquence knows no bounds)

"Jump, turn, and kick, it's ok" He repeated with a smile

This is a 5 foot 7 Korean casually telling me to perform a jump spinning round house on a target 4 inches above my head. His encourage is 'it's ok". Riiiiiggghht.

Deep inhale, torque the upper body down and left to charge up like a spring...release and spring right...full spin and unload, turning the left hip in and snapping the left foot down and out (somehow I managed to get ABOVE) to hammer the target....


........and hearing a cacophony of sounds. Add together 1 part snapping spaghetti noodles, 1 part dropping a rotten cabbage on the floor, and 1 part kiai and your end results are your first shattered zombie.

I landed in a fighting stance and blinked. In the half second when the zombie had reached for me I had performed a perfect jump spinning round house coming down and across the nogging of my opponent.

Turns out Master Kang's description of a round house as a "krruuuz meeesle (Cruise Missile)" was accurate.

My zombie friend lay shattered on the ground, undead limbs twitching spastically in the throes of...well I would say death, be he died then came back then died....how bout "I killed him good".


On that day when everyone jumped, and zombies tried a hostile takeover of the world some people decided to fight back. Mine was not a conscious decision, years of training in combined with the fight or flight response mechanism decided for me.

1 Zombie down......how many more to go?